Is it just for fun?
Let's say, hypothetically, that you had a child who wanted to do an extracurricular activity. And let's say that after a class or two, she suddenly decides that she hates said activity and doesn't want to do it ever again.
Do you make her keep doing it to teach her a lesson about sticking with things even when they're hard? Or respect her preferences and not push her to do something she's not interested in (even though she certainly SEEMED to be interested in it before)?
Or let's say you have a child who *loves* going to her weekly activity, but as you watch her you can see that what she really seems to get the biggest kick out of is not the activity itself, but her interaction with the other kids, and she doesn't necessarily even seem to be trying that hard or attempting to improve from week to week. And you wonder if you ought to be encouraging her to work at her skills a little more...or, even forgoing the money for this thing and just arranging a weekly playgroup?
It's sort of the conventional wisdom that your standard middle class childhood involves sports and lessons and music. But it all costs money, folks. Uniforms and equipment and lessons aren't cheap. And what do I do when my kid doesn't seem to be "getting that much" (if such a thing can be accurately gauged) from an activity? Is it all "just for fun" or is there all some kind of inherent value in doing extracurricular activities?
For now, I'm of the opinion that there *is* a point to doing extracurricular activities. And that the purposes would be: 1) to have fun; 2) to learn a skill that I wouldn't be able to just teach them at home; 3) to help them explore their interests and engage different parts of their minds and bodies; 4) to teach them a little bit about teamwork, respecting teachers and coaches, and getting along with all sorts of other people.
But there's only a point...up to a point. For instance, with our child who didn't want to do her activity anymore, we didn't push it. Nobody's happy if a kid is being forced to do something they hate every week (even though part of me really thinks she would have liked it if she'd have given it another shot). And with our kid who is not exactly the most-engaged person in her class? Well, my mom can tell you stories about how I used to stand out in right field on my T-ball team, chewing on my baseball mitt and staring into space. I was TERRIBLE at sports. But I liked to do it anyway--because of friends, because of being part of a team, because it simply feels good to be involved. I think it's okay--especially at this age--if we are spending our money on something that's just for fun.
I'd love to hear from other parents--how do you decide what sports or clubs to enroll your kids in? And what do you do when your kids' attitude about their activity changes and/or leaves something to be desired?
Do you make her keep doing it to teach her a lesson about sticking with things even when they're hard? Or respect her preferences and not push her to do something she's not interested in (even though she certainly SEEMED to be interested in it before)?
Or let's say you have a child who *loves* going to her weekly activity, but as you watch her you can see that what she really seems to get the biggest kick out of is not the activity itself, but her interaction with the other kids, and she doesn't necessarily even seem to be trying that hard or attempting to improve from week to week. And you wonder if you ought to be encouraging her to work at her skills a little more...or, even forgoing the money for this thing and just arranging a weekly playgroup?
It's sort of the conventional wisdom that your standard middle class childhood involves sports and lessons and music. But it all costs money, folks. Uniforms and equipment and lessons aren't cheap. And what do I do when my kid doesn't seem to be "getting that much" (if such a thing can be accurately gauged) from an activity? Is it all "just for fun" or is there all some kind of inherent value in doing extracurricular activities?
For now, I'm of the opinion that there *is* a point to doing extracurricular activities. And that the purposes would be: 1) to have fun; 2) to learn a skill that I wouldn't be able to just teach them at home; 3) to help them explore their interests and engage different parts of their minds and bodies; 4) to teach them a little bit about teamwork, respecting teachers and coaches, and getting along with all sorts of other people.
But there's only a point...up to a point. For instance, with our child who didn't want to do her activity anymore, we didn't push it. Nobody's happy if a kid is being forced to do something they hate every week (even though part of me really thinks she would have liked it if she'd have given it another shot). And with our kid who is not exactly the most-engaged person in her class? Well, my mom can tell you stories about how I used to stand out in right field on my T-ball team, chewing on my baseball mitt and staring into space. I was TERRIBLE at sports. But I liked to do it anyway--because of friends, because of being part of a team, because it simply feels good to be involved. I think it's okay--especially at this age--if we are spending our money on something that's just for fun.
I'd love to hear from other parents--how do you decide what sports or clubs to enroll your kids in? And what do you do when your kids' attitude about their activity changes and/or leaves something to be desired?
6 comments:
Jay and I have been mulling this over for the past few weeks. We are planning on homeschooling Bug next year and the question of "extra-curricular" activities is one we both feel are very important. However, Jason leans towards sports and I lean towards fine arts! (Are you surprised? No?) We came up with this plan of attack. If Bug shows an interest in a specific sport or fine art and we commit to paying for the activity then he must commit to completing the activity. So, if he says he wants to try baseball he knows he has to finish the season even if he declares by the third practice that he despises baseball. We discussed this with him and he understands and agrees with the plan. Of course, he was very excited about the prospect of taking a drawing class and basketball.
My children are 16 and 12 now. I liked the one week camps available at the boys and girls club and the Y. You can try out a sport without the long commitment.
Thanks for writing your blog. I live in Albany and found you through the newspaper way back.
Marlene McClain
Good questions, all. We've mostly taken Rachel's approach, and given what you described, I think I would have done exactly what you did in both cases.
Sarah, as a kindergartner, participated in a four-Saturday basketball clinic. The very first Saturday, she got halfway through, decided she hated basketball, came and sat down and refused to get off the bleachers the rest of the morning. I think Roger continued to take her the other Saturdays and she continued to sit on the bench, but I was working weekends then, so I'm not entirely sure. Anyway, she declared basketball totally off-limits for the next couple of years, until she surprised the heck out of us by asking to sign up for it as a third-grader. She still has only the loosest grasp of the fundamentals, travels every time she touches the ball, never takes a shot and strongly resists coaching from Dad, but she's happily played for two years now. Go figure.
We also, at her request, signed her up for violin lessons when she was, I think, either 8 or close to it. I told her at the time that she WOULD practice and she WOULD go to lessons, at least for one year, because no one can learn enough about a violin in a couple of months to decide whether it's really working for them. She agreed. Naturally, two months later she wanted to quit. "You can't make me," she told me. We reminded her of the agreement and let her know that practicing was just like homework and chores, and she didn't have to do them, but she would not have any privileges until she did them. After a couple of days' standoff, she complied, and a month later she was back to enjoying the instrument, which she still plays (although, frankly, not terribly well).
I think, IF the kid wants to do it, AND it's feasible for the parents (price, time, convenience, etc.) the activity should happen, regardless of how much kid seems to be getting out of it. If kid wants to quit, I'd say make him stick it out until the end of whatever has been paid for (the season, the month, whatever) unless there's a larger issue going on, such as she's getting bullied or something. If Mom or Dad can't handle the commitment anymore, well, that's the trump card, whether kid likes it or not. We quit dance for this reason and are skipping Girl Scouts entirely, sadly.
With the boys they get to pick one activity per season ex: baseball or soccer not both. Then what ever is decided they all play the same thing if they are able.
Our rule is if we pay/commit to it then they have to stick it out. With that being said if there are bullying or such I won't make them stay.
Most of the time we pick things that they want to do, but also things that we think are necessary for them also like swimming lessons.
Yes, Ethan doesn't ever want to sign back up for soccer but we make him. He's really good and has a blast every season. He is just at a stage he would rather hang out all Saturday playing video games and that's not good for anyone. At some point we'll see what else we can add in like, science classes or something. But I think it's important for kids to get some exercise and play on a team.
We are careful not to overload our family though and we reserve the right to quit if it's adding stress on the family.
Hmmm...I agree with you.....hard. You do want them to learn that life isn't always fun etc., but what if I signed up for a class and found out it wasn't what I was expecting. Well, I would get my money back for sure. You do insist she goes to school? Yes, I know you do. I say chose your battles. She'll learn the stick-to-it even if you let her bow out on some things. The best thing my mom ever did was let me quit piano..that is when I developed a love of piano and got better, all on my own.
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